Ada Alverta Pencek - Online Memorial Website

She died as she had lived her life - peacefully and gently, her beloved Gospel music playing in the background, as I cradled her hand in mine. Words cannot express how thankful I am that her last days with us were peaceful for her and that she did not suffer…..

Recalling many of my mother's life experiences has, for me, stirred many emotions. I've always loved her deeply but in writing this realized how much I admire her courage, spirit, and devotion. Though she faced enormous obstacles and incredible heartache throughout her life, she never gave up and she never took the easy way out. I can only hope to be half the woman she was.

Ada Alverta Pencek was born February 16, 1932 in a mountain hollow in the southwestern hills of Virginia. Ada was the youngest of ten children, though two of the children died as infants and another brother died at nine years old from diphtheria. The remaining children included a sister, 17 years Ada senior, and five brothers of various ages. Ada's parents, Jesse & Eddy Mae Goad were sharecroppers who eked out a meager living for their family working the fields and tending to the families of the wealthier landowners. As soon as she was old enough (7-8 years old) Ada worked out in the fields along with her father and siblings and also worked by her mother's side cleaning houses, butchering hogs, and feeding livestock. Ada spoke often of how hard those childhood days were back then, how she would pick pole beans until her tender fingers bled or harvest cabbage heads until she was soaked to the bone from the water they held.

Ada also attended school at a little one-room schoolhouse just down the dirt road from her house. It was her job to get there before everyone else to get the fire going in the old pot-bellied stove. She was a very bright student, finishing grades 3 and 4 in the same year and often helping her teacher instruct the younger students. She enjoyed school and excelled in her studies until she was in the ninth grade and her mother was stricken with bone cancer. As Ada was the youngest, and the only child left home, it fell to her to care for her mother so her father could continue to work, so sadly, her formal education ended as she took up the role of caretaker for her mother. This was in the 1940's long before there was any such thing as hospice care or respite care and Ada's brother's were all overseas fighting in the war. Her older sister had a family of her own to care for and worked the fields as well so at 15 Ada took over the care of her mother and the household. It was up to her to do all the cooking and cleaning - tasks that took considerable more work and effort back then - She cooked three hot meals a day, washed her father's heavy denim overalls by hand every day, nursed her mother as best she could, and kept the house running. This was her young life but her faith in the Lord sustained her and when she retells these stories it is not with sadness or pity for herself - she tells them with joy and love in her heart. These are fond memories for her - how vital and important her role was during that time.

In 1950 Ada married our father and moved away from her beloved Blue Ridge Mountain home to the big city of Philadelphia where her in-laws lived. Though life was very different for her there she settled in and started a family, giving birth to her first child, Roxanne, in 1952 and then a son, Jimmie, in 1954. While raising her children she also worked, as a civilian, in the mess hall at the Naval Yard in Philadelphia and learned to drive in the hectic city traffic - a far cry from the old dusty roads she once traveled.

In 1960 her youngest child, Patty was born but Ada's joy was short-lived as her marriage began to crumble. For several years her husband had been both physically and verbally abusive to her and this had taken an emotional toll on Ada. She put up a brave face, black eyes and all, and submitted to his abuse....back then there were no shelter's to go to or hotlines to call, so she stayed and endured the beatings. It was no secret.....people knew, but it just wasn't something you talked about back then. She was ashamed and lonely........her family hundreds of miles away. Until one day, by the grace of God, my father left...just took off....abandoned his wife and children....and disappeared. Mind you when he disappeared it was with another woman, but all the same it was a blessing in disguise for not only my mother, but us children as well as he had begun abusing the two oldest children on both a violent and sexual nature. The only one who was spared his abuse was the youngest, as she was only a year old when he left. Anyway, with no where to go and no family to lean upon Ada called on her brothers, who were now home from the war, and they came in like the Calvary. Three of them drove up to Philly from Virginia, packed Ada and her children up and took her home to the mountain hollow she held so dear.

There was not enough room in any one home for all of us so, for a time, we were split up. Sometimes Ada would stay with Patty, the baby, at one of her brother's homes and Roxanne & Jimmie, the older children, would stay with another of her brothers and sometimes we would be fortunate enough to all go to Ada's sister's house and all stay together for a few days. It was hard on all of us but especially Ada who wanted desperately to provide a home for her children. She took odd jobs house cleaning and such but was generally considered "unskilled" with little education so it was difficult for her to make a living. All of her siblings helped in any way they could, even offering to adopt one, or all of us, at one time or another. But Ada was not a woman who could give up her children and was determined to keep the family together no matter what she had to do.

That love and determination is what led Ada to travel over 800 miles to Vermont. The year was 1965 and Ada's best friend, Peggy, from her years in Philadelphia, was now living in Brattleboro, VT, working at the Brattleboro Retreat. As the residential population grew at the Retreat they were desperate for help and urged their employees to help in recruiting employees. Peggy knew of Ada's struggles and sent her an application for employment. Ada filled it out and returned it, never imagining anything would come from it, and if it did how on earth would she manage to move herself and three kids hundreds of miles away to a place she knew nothing about with only one person here she knew? The Lord must have figured it was time for Ada to move towards something better as she was hired, sight unseen, unto the Brattleboro Retreat's Psychiatric Aid Training Program all she had to do was to get herself up here to take the job. This was a huge and frightening step for a single woman with three children in those days (divorced women were a bit scandalized back then) and she would have no family in VT to fall back on, but Ada faced the challenge with courage and determination and bag and baggage moved her small family to Vermont. She stayed at the Retreat for almost 15 years and though we were never more than one paycheck away from financial disaster she managed to make a home for her children. The menu was sometimes meager and there were few luxuries but she kept her children healthy and happy. We did not grow up with the latest trendy clothes or the shiniest new bicycle but we knew we were loved and that we could depend upon our mother to protect us and provide for our needs. Ada was the mother who sacrificed all for her children, often giving of herself when she could little afford to. Though many days she was exhausted trying to "do it all" she would never turn down the opportunity to work a double-shift, as she knew this would mean a little more for her children. Many times she would take the smallest cut of meat or go without entirely to make sure her children had enough to eat. When her youngest child, at 14 years old, had complicated spinal surgery which required months and months of recuperation in a nursing home Ada never missed seeing her for a day. Often this meant rising at 6 A.M. and working an 8 hour shift then walking 3 miles to where her daughter, Patty was, to spend time with her and care for her, then wait until 11 P.M. for a neighbor who worked at the nursing home to get out of work so she could get a ride home, as taxi's were too expensive. She didn't have to do this, Patty would have been fine had Ada missed a day or two here or there, but she did do this, she did this out of her total love and devotion to her child and she did this because she was the person she was - it was never a choice for her.

She led a quiet life, working, going to church, keeping house, and planting flowers. Her 'entertainment' was to have one of her friends over for coffee. She truly was the mother who sacrificed all for her children. Then one day when her youngest child was 17 years old she was introduced to the brother of her best friend's husband and a romance began to blossom. She had never dated through all the years of her children growing up but now they were grown and she decided, for the first time in her life, to be a bit more concerned about her own happiness and after several months of dating she remarried at the age of forty-five. She'd been alone for over 15 years, never allowing herself to even dream she could find someone to love and who would love and care for her. But she did find love and was happier than she had been in years. When she married Charlie, her husband, she moved to his house in North Walpole and they began their life together. Her two oldest children, Roxanne and Jimmie, were in their twenties by then and her youngest, Patty, was almost 18, out of school, and dead set against relocating, so she stayed behind in Brattleboro with a trusted friend to help her if she needed something. She continued working at the Brattleboro Retreat for several months but soon decided the drive was too much during the winter months and took a job working as a housekeeper at the Vermont Academy in Saxton's River, VT. While she was employed at the Academy she made new friends easily and was well liked by all who met her. She was a gentle, soft spoken woman who worked hard and gave her all in everything she did, which made her a good employee, and an even better person. An example of her spirit comes to mind from her time at the school; in the summertime at the VT Academy they often hosted groups of business people or researchers gathered for various 3 and 4 day symposiums. The groups stayed in the dorm rooms, as they were empty for the summer. Ada thought it would be a nice touch if they could put a small vase of flowers in each room for the visitors but there was no money in the budget for such an expense, Not to be deterred, Ada took it upon herself to gather up some vases from various lawn sales, thrift shops etc, and every Friday would spend her own time driving through the countryside and picking wildflowers. She would then take them back to the school, arrange them in the vases, and distribute them from room to room. The visitors always appreciated this little touch so much, little did they know it was a one-woman project. Ada didn't have to do this but she knew how much a flower can warm a room and it gave her great joy to be able to do this for someone, no ulterior motives, no search for praise, just a simple act, to bring happiness to others.

Ada managed to find happiness in the little things in life. She enjoyed camping trips with Charlie, piecing together patchwork quilts, putting together jigsaw puzzles, planting in her garden, and tending to her flowers. She also enjoyed playing bingo occasionally and was a whiz at Scrabble. She loved gospel music, country music and old Western movies, especially anything with John Wayne in it! She made the absolute best biscuits and gravy and enjoyed making homemade applesauce for her grandchildren. In her later years, when she was no longer able to get out to church, she loved watching Billy Graham whenever he was on a Crusade, she also watched Robert Schuller faithfully every Sunday and enjoyed joining in in song.

She was blessed with five grandchildren whom she just adored. Ada was a cuddly grandmother who loved to sit and rock her grandchildren when they were babies. She was a pushover when it came to her grandchildren, If she ever scolded (rare) it wasn't long before she had them on her lap playing pat a cake or peek-a-boo. She liked to sit and read to them and even taught one of her grandsons how to read when he was just three years old! By the time he reached kindergarten that grandson was reading at a third-grade level, chiefly because his grandmother saw something in him, and helped to nurture and grow that ability. As the grandchildren grew Ada made a point of attending as many of their plays, school activities, and special events as she could. She was always so proud when one of them would reach another landmark like learning to tie their shoes, or riding a two-wheeler, or making wolf scout. These were the things that sustained her, not fancy cars, whirlwind vacations, or buying the latest gadget. Her needs were simple but her heart and soul were deep and complex.

In 1992 Ada was diagnosed with a brain tumor and scheduled for surgery. Prior to this she had been forced to retire early due to advanced arthritis which had disabled her. Consequently, she did not carry any medical insurance so her physician, at the time, dismissed a multitude of physical problems she was experiencing attributing all of her ailments to aging and high blood pressure. It wasn't until, at the family's insistence, a CAT scan was performed and the tumor discovered. It is debatable as to whether a more timely diagnosis, 4-5 years earlier when the symptoms first began, would have changed the outcome but it does prey on our minds. Anyway, Ada had a week to prepare herself both physically and emotionally for life-threatening surgery. The neurosurgeon prescribed some medication to help reduce some of the swelling around the tumor and scheduled the date of the surgery, October 2, 1992. During the week before the surgery Ada scrambled to get things in order, she was worried about Charlie, her husband, he was getting older (70) and she worried he wouldn't take care of himself, as she was told she would need six-weeks of recovery time following the surgery. In her haste to prepare the home for her absence she was out running errands when tragedy struck and she was involved in an automobile accident that resulted in the death of the other driver. With just 3 days to go before her surgery she was now wracked with guilt and sorrow feeling she had killed someone. It was an accident and no one was found at fault but she went into her surgery feeling horrible and grief stricken over the event.

Her surgery did not go well and she suffered a stroke on the table. The surgeons were fairly confident that they got all of the tumor but she was in grave shape. The result of this procedure and the stroke left Ada totally paralyzed on her left side and her speech was impaired. So suddenly she, and the family, were looking at something very different than a six-week recovery. It was absolutely heartbreaking to see this kind, gentle, woman in this condition and the road back was very steep. Ada went through months and months of physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy but the best she could get back was her speech. And though it was garbled and hard to understand, she could once again communicate with us. Her arm and leg remained useless to her. The morning of her surgery she made us all promise that if anything happened to her we would not give up our lives to care for her - she insisted we promise if she could not take care of herself we would find a good nursing home for her and that is what she wanted. She was very adamant about this as she recalled the years she spent caring for her mother and she didn't want that kind of life for us she wanted more for us and wanted to be sure we took care of our children, not her. Well we all made the promise but now that we were faced with the reality it was awful. For the first few years after her surgery we all took turns trying to care for her but it soon became clear she needed more care than we were capable of and we finally agreed to look for a caring facility for her and found a warm loving nursing home in the Rutland VT area where two of her three children now reside. There was a period of adjustment, for both Ada and her children, but she soon made friends and was participating in every recreational activity they offered at the nursing home. She enjoyed going on "field trips" such as foliage rides, trips to the mall, and bus trips to see the Christmas lights at night. She attended church, went to bingo, played community word games, if anything was going on, Ada was there - once again, enjoying the simple things in life. Her grandchildren, all grown now, have given her 3 great-grandchildren and though Ada can't cuddle them as she one did with her grandchildren she beams when she sees them - oh what a woman they will never know.

Ada lost her beloved husband, Charlie in 1994, two years after her surgery. Also, over the years, she's faced the deaths of her parents and all of her siblings, 3 of who died since she has been disabled. Her best friend in the world died just before Ada was diagnosed with her tumor and through all the loss in her life, she has clung to her faith and faced each with a heavy heart but with the courage to go on.

For fourteen years Ada has lived the life of a hemiplegic, rolling her wheelchair down the hall to wherever the action is, but now the beast has risen again and this time there's no escaping it. The tumor in her brain has returned and all but silenced her once again. She no longer sings "You are my Sunshine" to the nurses as they care for her. Her wheelchair sits silently in the corner of her room. The field trips are over for her for good. The monster in her head slowly squeezing the life out of her twisted body. She was ready to leave this earth, she was not frightened of death. I knew her secret......she was waiting patiently to be lifted from all her pain and suffering to a better place God has promised her. The Lord has tested her mightily and yet her faith sustained her throughout her life and death. Though it breaks my heart to say goodbye to such a beautiful woman I also feel relief and great joy for her because I know her secret..................

I hope this gives you a glimpse into the wonderful spirit of my mother. I know I have jumped from first-person to third-person throughout this writing but decided not to try to censor myself and just to let my thoughts flow as they came to me. There is so much more I could say about this amazing woman but I think what I've written conveys the essence of who she was